Step-by-Step Guide to Burning Chicken

1. Make sure to use way, way, way too much nutmeg, cumin and cinnamon for the best results!
2. Make sure to use a charcoal grill but use gas for fuel. Doing this will cause your house to burn down including the chicken. If you don't want your house to burn down that's okay, just skip this.
3. Make sure to use cow blood dripping to attract vampires that will sell you a deal of a full pizza meal for only 1 cup of blood.
4. DON'T USE THE STOVE!!! It will make your food actually taste good!! "I know its terrifying. Instead use a grill. Doing this will make the dripping from your chicken fall into the grill and then be evaporated back to the chicken therefore giving it that nice smoky taste.
5. Also, it should take about seven hours to cook so you might want to head to school while you wait.  
6. This one is the last one but also the most important. Never listen to this. No, seriously. This is not actually very good at cooking chicken. Well, not exactly cooking it. More of BURNING IT!!!  Ew. How disgusting. So yeah, that's what I got to say.